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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
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Greatest Hits

My best work. I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

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  • A to Z
FeaturesGreatest HitsMovie Night

Movie Night: The Final Member

July 18, 2022
Your body is not ready for The Final Member. More than once...
Keep Reading
A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

May 26, 2022
The line between friend and sexual partner became blurred, and yet both...
Keep Reading
Sex toys getting me through the pandemic
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDildosGreatest HitsGuidesHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy ReviewsSunshine & RainbowsVibrators

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

March 16, 2022
The pandemic has been a whole new time of giving-zero-fucks, and for...
Keep Reading
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

Queer sex party chronicles: hi, I’m new here

September 23, 2021
The party would change my life, but I didn’t know it yet....
Keep Reading
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementDildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: OhMyG

June 16, 2020
It freaks me out to imagine the questions sex toy shoppers of...
Keep Reading
A headless man holding a Magic Wand and a realistic dildo toward the camera.
BanterFeminism's Not a Dirty WordGreatest HitsGuidesWhine Time

To all the men wanting to talk their wives into sex toys

June 17, 2019
I can see through you, and I don’t like what I see....
Keep Reading
Vintage vibrators: the Polar Cub Electric Vibrator (top), Oster Massagett, and Vanguard Vibro-Massager.
April Fool's!Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Vintage vibrators

April 1, 2019
The inventor of the first electrical vibrator, doctor Joseph Mortimer Granville, called...
Keep Reading
Wobbling Willy, a magenta dildo with a bobble head attached.
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

What, you don’t want a dildo with your boyfriend’s face on it?

March 10, 2019
Why wouldn’t you want this smug bastard smiling at you while you...
Keep Reading
The Jimmyjane Rumble Seat, a white plastic toilet-looking chair with a grey vibrating bump on top, standing in front of my sex toy closet.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Rumble Seat

February 26, 2019
When you arrive at the sex party and present the guests with...
Keep Reading
A sex blogger's desk: dildos, coffee, laptop, etc.
BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesFeaturesGreatest HitsInterviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 2: Mom, I’m a sex blogger

January 22, 2019
The memory’s a bit of a blur now, but almost 7 years...
Keep Reading
Hot Octopuss Queen Bee oscillating rechargeable vibrator on a yellow polka dot plate.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Queen Bee

December 21, 2018
Me, masturbating: uh, don’t mind me, I’m just over here jamming this...
Keep Reading
Fun Factory Volta rechargeable vibrator hanging out in a glass bowl of sea glass.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youPenis ToysSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Volta

November 5, 2018
I’m not the type to chase adventure. Some people hop on roller...
Keep Reading
Slice of rainbow pride cake necklaces on a tie-dye fabric
BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsSunshine & Rainbows

The things we’ve built

July 3, 2018
GAY BEACH GIRLFROND FUNTIMES SUPERBLORPS. That’s what our shared calendar said. We...
Keep Reading
G-Spot Rx vibrator, a rabbit-style vibe in clinical blue, with a strange little rub on the shaft that rocks back and forth.
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

The world’s FIRST and only REAL G-spot toy! Ever!!!

May 19, 2018
Revolutionary! Game-changing! The best! The first! The only! Companies have been wailing such nonsense...
Keep Reading
Aneros Evi kegel exerciser on top of a cream-colored knit fabric.
Greatest HitsKegel ExercisersSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Evi

May 6, 2018
I’m on edge, watching my every move. Like the first day on...
Keep Reading
Cards in a sex game called "Foreplay"
"The Industry"BanterDisingenuous AssholesFeaturesFeminism's Not a Dirty WordGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, NoWhine Time

How not to design a sex game

March 9, 2018
Why are sex games so bad? This is an eternal question I...
Keep Reading
1 2 3 … 7

Fresh tweets

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Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

Movie Night: The Final Member

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