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Greatest Hits

My best work. I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Me in a motel in 2002, on the bed writing in my journal.
BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest Hits

Becoming a real writer

I always wanted to be a writer. I wrote e.e. cummings quotes on...
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Pipedream Ceramix No. 4 ceramic dildo
DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy Reviews

Review: Ceramix No. 4

I wanted to feel the sensation of water sloshing in my vagina....
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LELO Mona Wave rechargeable G-spot vibrator on a rainy cement surface.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy Reviews

Review: Mona Wave

The LELO Mona Wave feels like being fingered by someone who is absent-mindedly...
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The Girl Next Door (2004)
FeaturesGreatest HitsMovie Night

Movie Night: The Girl Next Door

If you ever need proof of what a little shit I was...
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September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesGreatest HitsGuidesWhine Time

How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

So I was interviewed for a piece about female ejaculation/squirting for Fusion...
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We-Vibe Tango Glow (pink) and Dusk (gray-blue) Pleasure Mate Collection
Anal ToysGreatest HitsHi, I love youKegel ExercisersSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: We-Vibe Tango Pleasure Mate Collection (Dusk and Glow)

I’m in love. Its name is the We-Vibe Dusk, and I’m using it all...
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Black LELO Ora (original), blue LELO Ora 2 on a hardwood floor.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Ora 2

I wish the entirety of this review could just be the word no....
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LELO Pino... a cock ring "exclusively for bankers"
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Pino

We need to talk about what’s happening with LELO. For about three years,...
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Holding the key to dildo mansion.
BanterBlogger LyfeGreatest HitsGuidesTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

15 things I learned buying a house as a sex blogger

Most of my summer was spent in the throes of buying a...
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Scare-tactic G-spot headlines complete with stock photos of women and feet.
BanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesGreatest HitsGuidesWhine Time

An abridged guide to decoding horseshit articles about the G-spot

Less than a month ago we were attacked by headlines screaming that the...
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Fun Toys G-Vibe, a purple dildo with a split shape, creepin' on the neighbors through the blinds.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: G-Vibe

There are some failtastic sex toys that I keep around simply so...
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Bouquet of hand drawn sex toys.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

Friends who have sex with each other

Kynan greets me at the airport with a bouquet of hand-drawn sex...
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Screenshot from the now-defunct Teddy Love crowdfunding video, of a woman touching a teddy bear's nose.
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Teddy Love

This is not cute. This is not adorable. This is not acceptable....
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Magic Banana kegel exerciser and dildo, surrounded by plastic letters from the Bananagrams game spelling out "EMPOWERMENT."
DildosGreatest HitsKegel ExercisersSex Toy Reviews

Review: Magic Banana

Have you ever looked at a jump rope, bike lock, thighmaster, or lasso...
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iGino partying with a tequila shot,.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: iGino One

OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ...
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Shiri Zinn Cupcake vibrator, and the tools to dismantle the patriarchy. (Fork and knife.)
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Cupcake

This sex toy is everything I hate. Cutesy. Twee. Pink. Girly. Symbolic. I want to...
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Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Step inside my sex toy closet

A headless man holding a Magic Wand and a realistic dildo toward the camera.

To all the men wanting to talk their wives into sex toys

Me holding the Diva Cup silicone menstrual cup, with appropriately blood-colored polish on my fingernails.

Review: Diva Cup

Bendable Vertebrae vibrators: colorful, worm-like vibrators in strange positions... because they have SPINES.

Terrible sex toys I used to lust after

The LELO Ella, a white dildo with a flat tip, lying on a dark blue sheet. It is slightly wet.

Review: Ella, and my first ejaculation

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