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Greatest Hits

My best work. I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Sex toys drying on the kitchen counter.
BanterBlogger LyfeGreatest HitsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

A day in the life of a sex toy reviewer

...to be added to my sales and deals page. I place banners on the page and add some text about which toys I recommend people buy. I remember that I cringe every time I link to my Mia 2 review (because I spent a lot of time complaining about the...
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Revel Body sonic vibrator... plus jump drive and "competitor model."
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Revel Body

I’ve seen a ton of presumptuous sex toy marketing in my day,...
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The Sybian... and packing materials.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementAnyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy ReviewerVibrators

Today in my life… a stranger on the internet gifted me a Sybian

In this episode of True Life: I’m a Sex Toy Reviewer, I am...
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Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.
Greatest HitsGuides

Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

If you ask me, sex toys are way better gifts than socks...
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Nasstoys' Masturbating Glove. It is fingerless, cream-colored, and COVERED IN SPIKES.
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Masturbating Glove (and everything else Nasstoys makes)

I interrupt your regularly-scheduled happiness to bring you perhaps the most innocuously-named...
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LELO Ida vibrator in a box of various nail polishes.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Ida

I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me over...
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My pink sex toys all together. YOU REPULSE ME.
BanterFeminism's Not a Dirty WordGreatest HitsWhine Time

The color most likely to send me on a murderous rampage

I hate pink. Always have. Based on pure shudder-factor, my aversion to pink...
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Lovehoney Flash USB rechargeable vibrator on top of a dictionary, open to the definition of "buzzy."
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Flash

The year is 2013 AD. Yet, eyes closed and knowing nothing, I...
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Bendable Vertebrae vibrators: colorful, worm-like vibrators in strange positions... because they have SPINES.
"The Industry"BanterGreatest HitsToybox Reports

Terrible sex toys I used to lust after

In 2007 when I started reviewing sex toys, I knew nothing about...
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Bottles of Sliquid lined up: Sliquid Sea, Organics Gel, and Sassy.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy Reviews

My favorite lube? Sliquid anything

Here are my standards for lube: You would think this would not...
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Silicone dildos standing upright and proud.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsGuidesMaking ProgressTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

My vagina is a black hole: how I learned to love penetration

A few weeks ago, I dusted the literal dust off a 2″-thick...
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njoy Pure Plugs (medium and large) in a jewelry box with a bunch of gaudy bracelets and rings.
Anal ToysGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Pure Plugs

I could’ve written a review for the njoy Pure Plugs before ever...
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Pills spilled on an orange surface.
BanterGreatest HitsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy ReviewerWhine Time

The 2 weeks of my sex life I lost to Zoloft

My doctor was mildly amused when I told her that I run...
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Jimmyjane Little Chroma on top of my blender.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Little Chroma

The Jimmyjane Little Chroma is a scam. Not like your “friend” emailing...
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Wahl, Hitachi, Rock Box
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Rock Box

Lovehoney sure likes to keep secrets from me. First it was the...
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BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsMaking Progress

The pinnacle of relief

I got my chance to tell my parents about my work sooner...
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Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

njoy Pure Plugs (medium and large) in a jewelry box with a bunch of gaudy bracelets and rings.

Review: Pure Plugs

Spareparts Hardwear Joque harness as modeled by the lovely Penny and Bex.

Review: Joque harness

We-Vibe Tango Glow (pink) and Dusk (gray-blue) Pleasure Mate Collection

Review: We-Vibe Tango Pleasure Mate Collection (Dusk and Glow)

Dame Products Eva "hands-free" "couples" wearable vibrator standing up like a creepy bug.

Review: Dame Eva

Hot Octopuss Queen Bee oscillating rechargeable vibrator on a yellow polka dot plate.

Review: Queen Bee

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