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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

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    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
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Sex Toy Reviews

The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

All
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Latest
  • Latest
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Fun Factory Fun Cups hanging out on a black leather surface.
Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Fun Cups

October 1, 2017
My fanaticism for menstrual cups borders on religious. I’ve been using them almost exclusively for about 4 years now, and...
Keep Reading
Wonder 'O' Wand balanced between the wooden legs of a stool.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Wonder ‘O’ Wand

September 15, 2017
Say you’re in a sex toy megastore along the highway. You’re on a road trip, making a pit stop to...
Keep Reading
We-Vibe Wish rechargeable clitoral vibrator on a small table, next to a clock and necklace.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Wish

June 29, 2017
There’s a common piece of sex advice, an old sex educator adage usually aimed at people wanting to please vulvas:...
Keep Reading
Screaming O Charged Vooom and Positive rechargeable bullet vibrators on top of a pile of colorful lined notepads.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Charged Positive and Vooom

April 28, 2017
Screaming O is not a high-end sex toy company, or at least they didn’t used to be. They’re more known...
Keep Reading
Strapless strap-on dildos. Tantus Feeldoe More, Tantus Realdoe Stout, Fun Factory ShareVibe, Happy Valley Tango.
DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Why I don’t like strapless strap-on dildos

March 27, 2017
I’ve never thought strapless strap-on dildos were the second coming of Christ. Let’s start there. I have my Joque harness,...
Keep Reading
New York Toy Collective Carter silicone dildo on a nightstand, next to a golden lamp base and a floral tea cup.
Adventures in SquirtingDildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Carter

February 25, 2017
I squirt every time I use the New York Toy Collective Carter. Movement or not. No matter the external vibe....
Keep Reading
Vibratex Mystic Wand Rechargeable vibrator lying on a tattered cream-colored blanket.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Mystic Wand Rechargeable

January 28, 2017
It’s a let-down, but not in the “my clit is screaming” way. Not in the “orgasm seems like an impassable river” way,...
Keep Reading
(Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable vibrator on a fuzzy blanket.
Guest ReviewsHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

A trans woman’s orgasm savior: the (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable

January 16, 2017
The legendary Hitachi Magic Wand, with its robust vibrations and large head, is known as an effective vibrator for all sorts of genital...
Keep Reading
Dame Products Eva "hands-free" "couples" wearable vibrator standing up like a creepy bug.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Dame Eva

December 17, 2016
I’ve never told you much about my labia, but I guess now’s as good a time as any. I’d describe my...
Keep Reading
We-Vibe Rave rechargeable app-compatible G-spot vibrator on a reflective table.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Rave

November 18, 2016
It was 10:15 am, just a bit before I needed to leave for work, when the We-Vibe Rave arrived in the...
Keep Reading
Fun Factory Bi Stronic Fusion pulsator on an ornate rug.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Bi Stronic Fusion

October 31, 2016
Wipe the stars from your eyes. Dash your dreams. Give up all hope. It sounds perfect on paper: a beautiful...
Keep Reading
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Prism V

September 16, 2016
There is no clever way to start a review about a vibrator that just works. I can offer no snarky...
Keep Reading
Doxy Don and Doxy Die Cast on a desk. The Nuzzle Tip attachment is on the Doxy Die Cast's head.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Doxy Massager (Die Cast) and The Don

July 20, 2016
Put it on my clit. Now. That’s what ran through my head the first time I held the Doxy Don,...
Keep Reading
My Celebrator oscillating toothbrush vibrator on a vintage floral patterned surface.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: My Celebrator

July 1, 2016
What is life if not a series of attempts at proving arrogant men wrong? I never wanted to have to...
Keep Reading
The simplehuman Sensor Pump on my nightstand, squirting lube onto my Pure Wand.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy ReviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Review: Automatic lube dispenser

June 10, 2016
Many a time, I stared at it longingly in the aisles of Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Among the as-seen-on-TV contraptions...
Keep Reading
LELO Siri 2 vibrator on top of a bunch of sun-bleached rocks.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Siri 2

May 21, 2016
FINALLY. Fucking finally. I’ve been waiting years for LELO to upgrade their humble little clit vibe, Siri. While they were...
Keep Reading
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Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Nasstoys' Masturbating Glove. It is fingerless, cream-colored, and COVERED IN SPIKES.

Um, No: Masturbating Glove (and everything else Nasstoys makes)

Silicone dildos standing upright and proud.

My vagina is a black hole: how I learned to love penetration

Jimmyjane Form 5 and Hello Touch X vibrators (plus masking tape labels) next to some fall leaves.

Review: Form 5 + Hello Touch X

Fun Factory Volta rechargeable vibrator hanging out in a glass bowl of sea glass.

Review: Volta

Review: OhMiBod

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