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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

silicone

Silicone is the premiere soft body-safe sex toy material. It’s the best because it’s non-porous, odorless, and exceedingly easy to clean. But beware of sex toy packaging claiming a toy is 100% silicone, as it may not be. Only trusted companies such as Tantus, Vixen Creations, LELO, Fun Factory, Je Joue, Jimmyjane, and We-Vibe use pure silicone for all their toys.

Latest
  • Latest
  • Oldest
  • Random
  • A to Z
Tenga Iroha line: Sakura (pink), Midori (green), Yuki (white)
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Tenga Iroha Sakura, Midori, and Yuki

May 28, 2014
If you like pushing around the skin on a wrinkly dog, you will love touching the Tenga Iroha vibrators. They...
Keep Reading
The LELO Mona 2 rechargeable vibrator in three colors: purple, red, and cerise (pink), lying on a cream-colored knit fabric.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsSunshine & RainbowsToybox ReportsVibrators

I got back-ups of my favorite vibrator and life is perfect

May 12, 2014
I don’t know if you’ve heard: I love my LELO Mona 2. So much that I yell things like “THE MONA IS...
Keep Reading
Vixen Mustang, photo by That Virgin Who Can't Drive
Adventures in SquirtingDildosGuest Reviews

Guest Review: Mustang

April 23, 2014
I knew I was in for something good because the email began, “I feel like only you can understand the...
Keep Reading
Jopen Key Comet II Wand (bottom) with Comet G Wand in the snow.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Comet II Wand

April 19, 2014
Bloggers created a wave of hysteria following the release of the Jopen Key Comet G Wand. “It effortlessly strokes the...
Keep Reading
LELO Gigi 2 rechargeable G-spot vibrator on a newspaper.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Gigi 2

February 17, 2014
The Gigi used to be one of LELO’s flagship toys. A true fan favorite. The kind of toy people would keep...
Keep Reading
Whipspider Rubberworks Tentacle dildo
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

Saying goodbye to Whipspider Rubberworks

January 11, 2014
Want a fantastical dildo in the shape of a unicorn horn or tentacle? This is your last chance. [Edit, years later:...
Keep Reading
LELO Smart Wands, black with silver handles, lying on a hardwood floor.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Smart Wands (medium and large)

December 21, 2013
Unreliable. That’s the word I’d use to describe the LELO Smart Wands. Not an adjective you want applied to any...
Keep Reading
Shiri Zinn Cupcake vibrator, and the tools to dismantle the patriarchy. (Fork and knife.)
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Cupcake

December 19, 2013
This sex toy is everything I hate. Cutesy. Twee. Pink. Girly. Symbolic. I want to chuck it into a river. So why am...
Keep Reading
Me grasping the Jopen VR1 kegel balls, with rainbow-painted nails.
Kegel ExercisersSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Jopen Vanity VR1

November 18, 2013
The Jopen Vanity VR1 kegel balls have offended my vagina. Deeply. They are supposed to vibrate when squeezed. Oh, in my hand...
Keep Reading
Wake-up Vibe on a pillow case patterned with breakfast foods.
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Wake-Up Vibe

November 5, 2013
The premise alone led me to the Wake-Up Vibe. And the premise drove me away. I only tried it a handful...
Keep Reading
Limited edition tie dye Maverick. My first one was a flesh tone.
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

Discontinuation alert: Vixen neon dildos

October 29, 2013
I HATE WRITING POSTS LIKE THIS, but you guys deserve to know before it’s too late. These beauties from Vixen...
Keep Reading
LELO Ida vibrator in a box of various nail polishes.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Ida

October 10, 2013
I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me over the LELO Ida. I can see it in...
Keep Reading
LELO Ida "couples'" vibrator
FeaturesSex Toy News

The LELO Ida is coming…

September 23, 2013
So I have this in my possession: And yes, that is exactly what it does. It swivels and swivels and...
Keep Reading
Lovehoney Flash USB rechargeable vibrator on top of a dictionary, open to the definition of "buzzy."
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Flash

August 14, 2013
The year is 2013 AD. Yet, eyes closed and knowing nothing, I could swear that the Lovehoney Flash is a tiny gourd...
Keep Reading
Topco U Touch Side vibrator.
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: U Touch Side

July 30, 2013
I’m offended by Topco’s U Touch line. I wasn’t, at first — I was legitimately intrigued and even somewhat optimistic...
Keep Reading
Vixen Creations Buck dildo with a bunch of bananas. Accordingly, the dildo has a Chiquita sticker on it that says NATURAL NUTRITION.
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Buck

July 10, 2013
Is there a VixSkin oversaturation point? I now own seven things made out of this dual-density silicone, yet I’m still...
Keep Reading
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Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

A headless man holding a Magic Wand and a realistic dildo toward the camera.

To all the men wanting to talk their wives into sex toys

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

Typewriter, cup of pens, and some sex books. The sparkly "Epiphora" drink cozy on the cup was a gift from Bianca (TheVenusEmporium on Etsy). The other side has a vulva on it!

A sex blogger by any other name

njoy Pure Wand stainless steel G-spot dildo on a painting of the ocean waves.

My love, the Pure Wand (+ a few tips!)

Review: Luna Beads

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